My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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