My friends, they love my intelligence
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
