i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
