you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
