Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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