my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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