i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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