At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
