Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
