I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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