So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
