I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
