I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
