youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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