If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
