she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
