seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
