Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
