i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
