I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
