Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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