i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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