Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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