The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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