HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
