After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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