I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
