you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
