you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
