got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
