Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
