i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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