a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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