Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
