he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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