she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
her facebook's as public as her vagina
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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