every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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