she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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