saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
