I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
