i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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