Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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