Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
