My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
