Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
