Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
