Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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