Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Text me some of your sweat
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
