why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
