I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
