Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
