Joe is yelling at the trees again.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
