i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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