i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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