so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
